Kick-Back Baked Goods

This is a continuation of the previous post.

The saga continues…

The sales person tried a new tactic. Going completely around Procurement, she met directly with the client (c’mon, it’s not that unusual. Wrong, yes, but common, unfortunately.)

And to the meeting, she brought cupcakes. This in an effort to persuade my client to do a multi-year deal. In fact she made them in a quantity to match the years of the deal she promised her management she would land. Complete with frosting numerals on top.

I’d already informed said Sales Weasel that due to the poor support from their company on a recent and HIGHLY visible project, my client had (quite rightly, IMHO) decided that this supplier is “on the bubble.” As such, we won’t give them an extra dime or long-term commits until they get it right.

But not one to be deterred, she chose to “take it to the source”, thus going around Procurement and throwing in a (albeit harmless) kickback to boot.

Thankfully I know this client, he used to be my boss, actually, and upon being surprised at his office with a plate of frosted kick-backs, he said, “First of all, I don’t go around Procurement. Secondly, as Procurement told you, your company put me in a bad spot. You don’t get any multi-year deals.”

Brings a tear to the eye. Clients who listen! When it works, it’s a beautiful thing.

That special moment

I had it today with a software Sales Weasel.

The moment that happens when you’ve been negotiating hard for a bit, and the sales person goes from that effusive complimentary kindness to terse responses.

That moment when they’ve made a million promises to their management and are starting to sweat that this deal will really come together.

That moment when “trying to reel them in” is over taken by “just finish this…my commission is dwindling as we speak…”

Yup, happened today.

Sent an email with a question and got a one word reply.

Ooooh! Those sales weasels are SO cute when they git broke.

Like a wild pony or something!

That’s when you stop hearing lies and sales literature and the truth starts coming out.

Is it wrong that I kinda love that moment?

Whack a Mole

It’s that special time of year for any Procurement Professional. Ah yes, the end of the fiscal year looms large and what does that mean to me?

Budget dumping.

I think I’ll ring up Procurement a week before it’s all over but for the crying to demand they blow my excess three hundred thou on something useless.

These last minute deals really make me crazy. Ok, we’re not a week before year-end yet, but already the insanity is already building.

Note to Clients: When you want to buy a lot of software, you need a crazy thing called a license. And that takes *time* to negotiate.

Ugh. It’s tough to set priorities when everyone claims there panic purchase is the most important.

And as fast as my rock star team can finish a deal, someone else shows up with a bag of cash wanting us to help them spend it.

Ah well, I’ll grab a mallot and keep whacking away at the mountain of contracts…

Two Years

I looked back through the emails. NDA’s were signed in October. Of 2006.

RFI’s were issued. RFQ’s too. On-site testing. Political acrimony. Threats from incumbents. Lawsuits. Negotiations.

LOTS of negotiations.

Threats to walk away. Walking away. Shady sales weasel tactics. Briefing executives. One said yes, one said no.

Last minute deals. Threats to walk away again. An executive who just wanted to be a jerk threatening to hold up the deal. Insertion of idiotic language just to appease someone’s ego.

Yelling. Screaming. Jumping up and down. Fists waved. Complaints lodged.

Last minute acquiescing. Deal making. “Oh fine!” issued more than once.

And finally.

This morning.

My Chief Procurement Officer signed the contract and placed the still damp inked document into my hands.

It’s done.

It took almost two years to complete. But it’s done.

: exhale :

Mine mine!!!

I work for the kind of company that makes IT type stuff.

So in order to get our jobs done, we end up having to hire A LOT of people with expertise we don’t have to fill in the gaps and make our stuff, well, work right.

Which inevitably bring the question of…is IP created? And if so, who owns it?

“We pay you to make it, we own it,” we say, quite convinced of our rightness.

“It’s our knowledge, know how and proprietary materials we’re bringing to the table, WE own it,” the supplier replies, quite convinced of their own rightness.

And what ensues is, usually, a squabble of epic proportions.

Lawyers get indignant. Sales Weasels get bitchy. And in the end, we usually find some ground we can kind of agree to.

But this is becoming a big issue. I know our suppliers would LOVE to go out there and say “Hey, we made this for The Company! Ya want it!?!?”

We’d rather they piped down and kept it to themselves.

And there’s the issue of both confidential and highly sensitive competitive details being passed on to competition.

And the issue of the supplier getting paid to make something AND getting paid to sell it to others.

A tug o’ war of epic proportions.

I’d love to hear from Procurement folks and Lawyers too. How do you get around this sticky issue?

Never trust a guy

…not wearing socks with his dress shoes.

Had occasion this morning to attend a meeting with Over-Anxious Supplier and their greezy Regional Sales Manager.

I need a shower.

So as we negotiated what needed to happen to get the contract done, super slippery eel boy crossed his legs and something caught my eye. A span of white flesh. At his ankles.

And there it was. A fashion travesty.

Navy blue Sales Weasel suit. Dress shirt. Tie. Dress shoes. No socks.

I knew then what I was dealing with. A no socked shark, that’s what.

: Flap Flap :

You know, this whole SOX thing sure does put people up into a tizzy.

The latest: We have an active contract that expired two years ago. Yes, I said, TWO years ago. Shame on The Company. Shame on the supplier. These things shouldn’t happen. But they do. And it did.

“Oh MY GOD! What are we going to DO?!?!?!” said a colleague of mine, who, really, ought to know better.

“Do an amendment, extend the term,” I replied, casually.

“B-b-b-but! That’s backdating!…You know?!? Sarbanes-Oxley?????”

Yeah, we’re not talking about stock options here and we’re not falsifying records.

I sighed. Then replied,

“You don’t backdate the amendment. Make the date of the amendment today’s date. Then in the recitations, show what the old language said, ie it expired in 2005, then say the language is amended to read that the contract now expires in 2009. Neat. Clean. Tidy. And covers the gap.”

Colleague pondered this for a minute. Cut her eyes at the Boss who nodded in agreement with me. Scribbled some notes in her notebook, and continued to look distressed.

Look, SOX is, ultimately a good thing. But the waters can be confusing. They are not looking for simple amendments to small contracts. They are looking at setting policy then following that policy. Simple enough but can be made OH so complicated.

Times, they are a changin’

Riding this roller coaster economy is starting to turn my guts.

The Company is fairing ok, overall, despite selling “nice to have” electronics, which tend to go away when disposable income does too.

But there’s still the crunch. Layoffs. Yup. Not widespread, but there. And hiring freezes.

So I’ve got rock star contract folks worried about their jobs trying to squeeze every dime out of reluctant job-worried sales weasels.

An already difficult job made moreso.

Line up, everyone gets one…

Time to buy a lottery ticket

The stars must be aligned or maybe it was that (Kentucky Fried) chicken I sacrificed for the cause…but for some reason, I’m “in the flow”

Had occasion to meet with Big Time Executive Guy here at The Company. He’s smart and quite savvy.

The purpose of the meeting was to present the results of a recent RFQ in which a new vendor was chosen over the incumbent.

See…Big Time Executive Guy was the one who originally introduced incumbent to The Company. He has a pride of ownership about this supplier. It’s been a successful relationship, but everything changes…it has to. It’s the nature of business.

We went in seeking approval. I expected to be tossed out of Big Time Executive Guy’s office. Actually, I expected Big Time Executive Guy to ignore me outright (as is often the case with Procurement).

What I didn’t expect is that The Client would be ignored and Big Time Executive Guy would ask me for my thoughts.

And somewhere inside of me I whipped out eloquence (this doesn’t always happen, you should know).

I talked through the new, low pricing, was able to quote the sales numbers of new company and even threw in a “I read this article last week…” that Big Time Executive Guy said “yeah…I read that too” (SCORE!)

In the end, Big Time Executive Guy took just twenty minutes before saying, “All right, I approve, good job!”

I was stunned. I almost asked him to say it again, or for a hug, but showed restraint.

It’s a big win for The Company. It’s a career defining moment for me.

I’m telling ya…lottery ticket…me…buying…TODAY…